Silent Treatment Cures Nothing

When someone gives you the cold shoulder, the experience can leave you feeling chilly about the relationship. But why? I’m certainly guilty of cutting all communication when I’m angry with someone. It’s just easier than retaliating, right?

 

The effects of such behavior are a powerful form of social punishment according to Purdue University researchers. The cold shoulder and the silent treatment are often used simply because people can get away with them.If people are physically or verbally abusive, they can be punished. But it’s hard to punish someone for not making eye contact or ignoring another person. If the person is confronted by asking, “Why are you not talking to me?” the person can easily deny the accusation.

 

So what should you do if someone stops speaking to you or ignores you?

 

1. Don’t fall into the trap of feeling guilty. You can’t know what’s happening with the other person unless he or she tells you. 

2. Be direct. Describe the other person’s behavior and ask why it’s happening. It may or may not have anything to do with you.

3. Don’t fight a denial. If the person denies that the behavior is taking place or that there is anything wrong, it’s better not to argue the point. Instead, try responding with affirmation—something like “Oh, good. I’m glad nothing’s wrong. I’m sure you’d tell me if something was bothering you.” You just might “reprogram” the individual into resuming a more congenial relationship.

 

Once you’ve made it clear that you want to communicate with the person yet the silent treatment continues, you may want to assess whether the relationship is worth the trouble.