The Crying Game: Hold Back on Blubbering
Back when I worked as a Vault Clerk at Klein Bank, I trained briefly for two weeks to cover an AVP’s job as “bookkeeper” while she was out on medical leave. I thought I was doing fine, keeping deadlines, proofing all tellers work and submitting it in a timely manner, working on savings bonds…and the list goes on. But when she returned I had made a few mistakes on some bonds. Well, let’s just say she was not pleased and decided to scold me in front of all the customers (yes, banks have customers not members) and other co-workers. This is the only time I remember when I really felt like crying, not because I was upset that she was yelling at me, but mostly out of embarrassment and frustration that she would have the nerve to do it in front of others. But I held it in until I returned to the vault – then I let it all out.
If you’ve ever felt like crying in the office, it’s probably better not to, says Stephanie Shields, Penn State professor of psychology and women’s studies. Men and women are both probably better off tearing up instead of engaging in full-fledged crying. Why? Moist eyes signal that a person experiencing strong emotion has it under control, Shields explains. But if you cry and you’re a woman, the consequences can be more severe. You’ll likely be judged more negatively than a man, and possibly labeled emotionally unstable. Men, says Shields, are more often given the benefit of the doubt and are more likely to be seen as caring or sensitive when they cry.
SIDEBAR:
Get It All Out
Eighty-five percent of women and 73 percent of men report feeling less sad and less angry after crying. Why? Possibly, says William Frey II, biochemist and author of Crying: The Mystery of Tears (Winston Press), because they literally are “crying out” chemicals that build up during stress.
And if you’ve ever watched Dane Cook’s comedy special, “Vicious Circle”, you need a good cry; a weepathon, every now and then.
August 8, 2008 at 1:02 pm
This is a very sensitive topic, but it is relative to everyone. I will admit there have been a few times when I’ve held back oceans of tears only to run to my truck and cry for a half hour. Once after being reprimanded by one of my supervisors I made up an excuse to go to the storage room, I went to the room, locked the door behind myself, and let everything out. And in all those times my mantra was “I did my best!!! I did my best!!!” Once I cried so hard I ran out of tears and found myself saying, “The tears just aren’t coming! The tears just aren’t coming!” There’s no shame in it. We just have to maintain our composure and let it out when we can.
August 8, 2008 at 2:03 pm
I agree that this is an issue that everyone has been faced with but aside from a real family emergency, I try to never cry where another human being can see or hear me. I dont ever want to be that person that cried over something that happened at work. I will hold it in all day, until it erupts in a fit of anger and I can only shout “My fathers a brillant man! You don’t even know!”
August 8, 2008 at 2:42 pm
True, we all want to cry at some point. And I agree, there’s no shame in that. But even when I’ve been holding it in all day, I can’t cry on my drive home because, of course, my car is the center of the universe and someone is bound to follow beside me and point and laugh because I’m crying. So I hold it in ’till I get home. And even then, I make sure no one’s home (OK so I live alone but still) to let it all out. You do feel loads better after a good cry.